8-Ways to spot a Manipulating leader!
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Thomas Merton
I see one of the greatest temptations of leadership is…manipulation. Sometimes we don’t fully understand the meaning of this word. We think we would never “manipulate” anyone. Rather, we call it our “gift of persuasion”, strong leadership, ability to cast the vision or good pastoring. I think we need to understand that the Bible equates manipulation with WITCHCRAFT! Holy crap! That is tough. We never want to be guilty of using witchcraft on those we lead… Just a of couple ideas on how to tell the difference between manipulating & leading…You are manipulating and not leading if:
- You get defensive when someone doesn’t agree with you.
- You withhold attention, affection or praise because they aren’t doing it your way.
- You speak negatively about them to someone else hoping they will “pull them in.”
- You “strong arm” them in conversation, forcing your agenda.
- You aren’t willing to really listen.
- You have to play the “listen, I’m the leader” card, to get your way!
- You avoid the person that doesn’t follow “the right way.”
- You pray about your idea in a group with the person present, in a way that would make them feel “dumped on.”
Leaders, godly loving leaders, would NEVER manipulate those they lead. Listen closely, if you are leading by listening to God, (that’s the only way you should be leading) what you are putting forth, isn’t even your idea! Don’t you think God can persuade people to follow HIS PLAN? You do your job and lead in love as God has led you and let God worry about those who disagree with His plan. It makes leading a lot less stressful. GUARANTEED!
Categories: Leadership
Oh Artie, thanks for this. I have experienced this, and have had to leave the church I was saved in because the manipulation was directed at my family in a seriously damaging way. People underestimate the wounds that this stuff can cause. When we have to chose between what we believe God wants from us (and our own human freedom) and a group of people who have become our family, our support, our social world and place of ministry, it is agonizing. I still feel pain from it. I think if I had read something like this, it may have been easier to see what was happening. As it was, I was completely confused. The thing is, even when I could see it, my brain kept telling me that it couldn't be happening. It's important that we address these things and allow people to talk about issues like this. Thanks again!
Hi there -thanks for the follow on Twitter. I appreciate your honesty. Many would not admit they manipulate as leaders… and truth be told, while we all do it, only the transparent ones look to see where they can make a change in their leadership and be more authentic, real, and caring leaders. Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
Peace-
Wow, Artie! That hits hard. I’ve known leaders (and myself) to fall into this trap. Thank you for addressing it plainly so we may search our hearts, and repent when we find ourselves ever dishonoring Christ in this manner. Saw your post via Ja Cook. Blessings to you!
Thank you so much Melanie. So glad we have had a chance to connect.
praies the lord
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